


"Intensity"

by likethepaint (orphan_account)



Category: Bandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-09
Updated: 2007-10-09
Packaged: 2017-10-22 07:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/likethepaint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick has always been intense in their relationship, Joe never imagined that becoming a bad thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Intensity"

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd and encouraged by the wonderful [](http://rosiedoes.livejournal.com/profile)[**rosiedoes**](http://rosiedoes.livejournal.com/). She helped me figure a lot of stuff out and fixed all my silly mistakes.

“Intensity” Patrick/Joe.

 _The rise and fall, the stop and start.  
Breathe in, breathe out. Let’s start again._  


  
in•ten•si•ty [in- **ten** -si-tee]  
–noun, plural -ties. ]

1\. The quality or condition of being intense

  
 _The rise:_

Joe often catches himself watching Patrick out of the corner of his eye. He brushes it off as his body subconsciously trying to learn how Patrick works; Patrick is, after all, the only member of the band he’s not completely familiar with. It’s not a big deal to him, after a while he gets used to the strange habit. It’s only when he starts noticing Patrick staring at him intensely that things start to bother him a bit.

The first time they go away together as a band, Joe isn’t sure what to expect from Patrick. He’s toured with Pete and Andy before, it’s easy with them, porn ninja and the end of the world, amongst other things. But Patrick, Patrick is a whole new ball game. Joe has been watching the boy for months now and he’s still not figured him out, not really.

Patrick is insanely focused on music, so Joe’s kind of expecting him to spend most of his time engrossed in music, even when they’re not playing. It’s actually, really, a stupid assumption to make, Joe realizes once they’re out on the road; Patrick hasn’t reached for his headphones once in the three hours they’ve been driving. Instead, Patrick has focused all his attention on Joe, laughing and joking with him while they discuss movies they’ve seen.

Touring with Patrick is actually very relaxed, for all of Patrick’s intensity. Joe has always found touring to be highly stressful; he doesn’t sleep fantastically what with the van or Pete constantly shaking him awake, but with Patrick things seem easier. For the most part, Joe ignores the way Patrick stops curling up against Pete within a week of their first proper tour, choosing to constantly sleep near Joe instead. He figures Patrick had a crush on Pete, and now he’s worked through that he’s filling the void with Joe.

Joe isn’t expecting the heated glances and night time cuddles to last very long, but when they’ve moved on from the van to proper touring buses and he’s still catching Patrick staring, he figures that’s just the way Patrick is. Even on the bus, when they’re able to have their own bunks, Patrick will sometimes sleep with Joe anyway. Joe makes excuses to climb into Patrick’s bunk, as well, never even admitting to himself the real reason why he wants to be so close.

Things seem to peak during their brief tour in England. They’ve got a temp bassist with them, having left Pete in hospital back in Chicago. It bothers Joe that they’re all the way over in fucking Europe, dude, and Pete is stuck in a hospital bed desperately trying to figure out his own head. To be honest Joe doesn’t really understand what’s going on, doesn’t think any of them do. Andy spends a lot of his time muttering stuff under his breath and keeping himself away from everyone.

Patrick tries to take everything in his stride, just like everything else that scares him he just grits his teeth and gets on with it, but Joe isn’t blind, he can see Patrick is just as worried as he is.

With Pete back in the states and Andy dealing with his own issues, Patrick ends up turning to Joe for guidance. It’s hard for Joe because he’s got his own issues and needs direction himself, they’ve never done this without Pete before, it’s petrifying. Nevertheless, he spends a lot of his time wordlessly trying to comfort Patrick.

Patrick sleeps in Joe’s bed every night, which isn’t so much of a big deal as the fact that Joe’s head is suddenly screaming with his feelings for Patrick in ways he’s never allowed before. Patrick has always been off-limits in his mind for the sake of their friendship and the band. Now, Patrick sharing his bed seems a lot more important than it ever has before, like it really is a big deal this time.

Joe notices little things, like the way their relationship is becoming more intense. Like how Patrick seems to high five Joe last now, hand lingering much longer than it does with Andy, or ever had with Pete. Or how wherever they are, Patrick always seems to position himself closest to Joe, and he always seems happier when no one moves him, smiling widely, lips bumping against Joe’s ear when he whispers a joke.

All in all it doesn’t make Joe’s feelings for him any better.

They’re still in England when it first happens, in a small hotel, just them, curled up on a bed, one second they’re talking about meaningless stuff, like ways to get the guards to laugh, and if Patrick wants to see that new movie Joe can’t remember the name of. And then, then Patrick’s lips are on his, and they’re both pulling away, shocked, before pushing back together.

Patrick spends the few days left in the tour so painfully focused on him that Joe isn’t even sure he could handle any more, yet at the same time he finds himself seeking Patrick out, wanting more and more. Patrick gives himself over in steadily increasing amounts, and each day Joe learns something new about Patrick.

But before they know it, the tour is over, and they’re flying back to Chicago, and Pete. Joe expects it to be one of those things, Patrick was feeling alone and scared and turned to Joe. He’s every intention of shrugging his feelings off once again, for the band’s sake, and moving on.

It’s not until Patrick slips a hand into his, quietly, in the parking lot of O’Hare airport, eyes sparkling and dark, that Joe realizes how stupid a lot of his assumptions are.

Dating Patrick turns out to be a lot less easy than Joe presumed it would be. He seems to have set ideas about how their relationship should be, and who should know about it. Joe isn’t really sure if they should tell anyone; he’s still worried this is going to blow up in his face any day, but Patrick insists, and Joe isn’t exactly one to deny him anything.

Of all the people this involves coming out to, Joe is most apprehensive about telling Pete, especially right now, when Pete isn’t exactly at his strongest. Right from the start Pete made it clear he loved Patrick, but only as a friend, turning down every single hesitant advance Patrick had made. But Joe is, for some reason, unable to shake the feeling that this news will only anger him.

Patrick is also certain that he wants no one but family and close friends to know, and as far as Joe can tell, that isn’t changing anytime soon. He’s more than happy to conform with Patrick’s request; after all he’s not even sure he wants his parents knowing, let alone the whole world. Besides, things work that way, why change them?

 _And fall:_

In Germany the hotel they stay in is fantastic, five stars, and all sorts of shit. Joe still isn’t quite used to the fame, but it’s getting easier to live with, especially with Patrick there to back him up. By the time they arrive at the hotel, they’re both exhausted, but still high on the thrill of the show. Neither of them last very long, grasping at each other, skin slick with sweat.

When Joe wakes up, Patrick is sleeping soundly, half wrapped in the covers and still completely naked, which means he hasn’t woken up in the night. Usually he’ll get up and put at least boxers on at some point before Joe wakes. In fact, usually, he won’t even be in bed by the time Joe wakes up, so this is kinda nice for him, just being able to watch Patrick for a bit.

Actually, this is really nice, Joe thinks, snatching his camera up from where it was placed on top of a bag, ready for a day of sightseeing. He only snaps one picture, before replacing the camera into the bag, and climbing back onto the bed. Patrick stirs when the bed dips as Joe crawls up it, leaning down to kiss the other man softly. He pulls back with a grin, “Morning breath.”

Patrick thumps him on the arm, “Yeah, because you’re always minty fresh,” he jeers, climbing off the bed. Joe takes a moment to appreciate the view as Patrick walks through to the bathroom to shower, before searching out his guitar.

Patrick is singing away to himself in the shower, as Joe plays along on his guitar from the bedroom, when someone begins banging on the door. It’s Pete, obviously, announcing that they have to leave straight away the second Joe opens the door. Pete is, allegedly, in charge of rounding everyone up, which may or may not be true. Joe can’t ever be sure with Pete.

Nevertheless, he figures it’s not a bad idea to be ready, just in case. It’s also not all that hard to pack all their bits back up; neither of them had taken much from the bus, and Patrick was reasonably good about keeping their room from looking like a bombsite.

By the time Patrick comes out of the bathroom, Joe has successfully packed everything but the change of clothes Patrick had brought off of the bus to wear. He’s already dried himself in the bathroom, Joe notices, as Patrick immediately slips his boxers on. By the time Patrick is dressed it’s already time to head back to the buses.

They all clamber onto the buses; Charlie taking the job of making sure everyone is out of the hotel. Joe shoves his and Patrick’s overnight bags into his bunk, where most of their luggage resides, seeing as Joe always sleeps in Patrick’s bunk when they’re on the bus, which is unfortunately a lot. Patrick is regularly complaining that if they can’t get hotel rooms, they could at least have a nice bus. Joe tends to avoid him at those times; he can be kind of a pissy bitch.

Pete retreats pretty quickly to his bunk, to sleep or jerk off or something, Joe isn’t about to go and ask; Pete without coffee isn’t pretty. Actually, it’s not like Pete with coffee is gorgeous or anything, just less prone to smacking people who aren’t Dirty. Joe’s pretty much insanely glad they can always find a Starbucks.

They end up on another bus, a tourist one, with a tour guide and everything. Joe likes doing these sorts of things, like they’re just some dudes on holiday in Europe, for a bit. Their tour guide is a lovely lady, with a thick accent, who pronounces her name ‘Anaka.’ Joe likes her; she takes all of Pete’s bullshit and then throws it straight back at him.

It’s weird for him when they visit the Holocaust Museum; obviously, he knew it would be, but he couldn’t possibly have imagined how weird it would be. Patrick seems to sense that Joe needs his space to take everything in, and wanders off silently after Pete. It’s hard, part of him is desperate to call Patrick back and stick to his side the whole time, but he also wants to be by himself doing this. The cameras make it harder, he’s constantly aware of them in his peripheral vision, but he’s fairly confident they’re never filming him; everyone seems to stay away from him.

Pete actually spends the time oddly sedate, which Joe finds kinda as creepy as the memorial in ways, because it’s so unusual. Pete tends to have two moods, jumping on you and making bad jokes, or depressed and hiding; Joe’s never seen him quietly taking stuff in before, if this were something else he’d be all loud, obnoxious questions right now.

Back on the bus, afterward, Joe tucks himself into Patrick’s shoulder and waits for the feelings to pass; no one says anything for what feels like forever, but then Pete is talking to the guide again, and Joe feels a little more normal.

-

At the venue, Joe manages to get ten minutes with a computer in order to upload some of his photos to his buzznet before sound check. He checks his emails quickly, and then logs off, heading towards the stage.

-

Patrick has always lurked Joe's buzznet, ever since it was created. He's never told Joe because he thinks it'd probably freak him out, and then he might never talk to Patrick ever again and that'd suck. That night, when he can't sleep, Patrick slips out of his bunk and pads softly to the front lounge. Loading up his Mac he checks his email, and then pokes around the few pages he has bookmarked, intending to read any updates and then open GarageBand.

Joe's buzznet is the first page Patrick checks, and he doesn't actually get any further into his routine than that because as soon as Joe’s buzznet loads he’s snapped his Macbook shut furiously. He’s shocked to find himself practically shaking with anger as he sits on the couch, wondering if he should confront Joe about the picture or not.

Patrick ends up sleeping on the couch that night, well aware that Joe will still be in his bunk, and still far too mad to consider going near him. It surprises Patrick, when he wakes, that it’s still bothering him so much. In the past he’s had a fairly bad temper on him, but in recent years he thought he’d mellowed out well; now he’s not so sure.

He keeps trying to tell himself it’s just a picture but it’s imprinted on his eyelids, a constant reminder. It’s ridiculous, he thinks, Pete’s the sort of person nude photos happen to, not him. But there it is, on his boyfriend's buzznet: him curled up in bed and clearly naked. All he can do is sit back and thank god that the worst you could see is the patches of skin that are his stomach and his head.

  
Joe sleeps in, luckily for him, right up until the point where someone shakes him awake for sound check. He stumbles from Patrick’s bunk, dresses clumsily and heads straight towards the venue; he can catch a shower afterwards. Patrick stays dead centre stage throughout, even when he doesn’t have to sing, which is actually pretty normal for sound check; Joe only notices because he hasn’t even said good morning to Patrick yet.

Aside from Patrick seeming quieter than usual, sound check is uneventful as ever. Joe hands his guitar to his tech and heads in the direction of the nearest shower as soon as it’s over. Patrick disappears off hurriedly, too, gone before Joe has even had a chance to get rid of his guitar.

As he showers, Joe tells himself that he is being stupid feeling bitter at not seeing Patrick as much as usual. It’s hard, though, when he feels like some fangirl desperately trying to get closer. Normally, Patrick would be either been in the bunk or sat in the lounge when he wakes, and then they’re free to spend a little time together before a relentless day of promo or whatnot. It’s been a long time since he last felt he had to work for Patrick’s attention.

-

Patrick had slipped away as soon as sound check finished, all too aware of his anger at Joe, and not yet ready to face the other man. He’s kind of hoping this feeling of overwhelming rage will wear off before the show; praying no one notices the rapid change in his feelings for him. He spots Joe heading towards the dressing room, for a shower or something, as he walks around the corridors of the venue idly. As he wanders, he tries to recall the day’s schedule, if he’s correct there’s no promo until the afternoon, so he’s free to spend the remainder of the morning in the bus writing that new song he wanted to work on. At some point someone is bound to bother him, or attempt to film him, or something but he figures he should be able to catch at least an hour of privacy.

When he opens his Macbook, the web browser is still open and he stares at the image for a long time before he clicks the little ‘x’ and it disappears. He sucks in a deep breath and loads up GarageBand. He manages to focus solely on the melody he’s producing, the steady rhythm of the drums, the sound of the lyrics against the music, for a whole hour and a half. Which is impressive, considering he’s working in the front lounge of the bus; he should have been disturbed ages ago, really. For a second, he’s worried Joe has noticed his insane anger and warned the others to stay away, but he just can’t imagine that really happening; so far he feels he’s dealt with this whole thing well. It’s been years since he felt this angry, but somehow it seems he’s retained the coping mechanism his youth taught him; time alone and music.

If anything, he can safely say he hasn’t strangled anyone, which is a definite improvement.

-

Amazingly, for a foreign tour and so soon after the album release, the afternoon is not filled with interviews or photo shoots for various magazines. Joe is used to having to do a lot more promo when they’re in Europe or whatever because everyone wants to interview them. Today, though, they’ve just got an interview and photo shoot with a magazine he’s never even heard off.

They’re all fairly quiet on the way over, listening to the radio chatter away in another language, occasionally playing music they can recognise. Joe curls himself up on the seat next to Andy and falls asleep.

-

Patrick remains quiet throughout the interview, and the photo shoot, Joe notices, but it’s not unusual enough for him to make a comment while they have a bunch of people swarming around them, getting everything perfect. Joe’s actually pretty sure the interviewer enjoys Patrick’s silence; it means he can talk to Pete even more. He hates these kind of ‘journalists,’ they’re just waiting to turn whatever anyone says into some bullshit story. You can’t win; Joe’s just thankful it’s Pete they’re interested in, not him, even if that does make him a slightly bad friend.

In the photo shoot, the director dude positions Patrick between Pete and Andy, and Joe next to Pete. Joe forces a smile and wraps an arm around Pete’s back; all too used to this. He usually gets shoved on the outside of the group for photo shoots, the same way most of the press ignore him. He can deal as long as the other guys don’t treat him that way. Mostly, Joe isn’t all that bothered about other people’s opinions, particularly if they’re negative, and he doesn’t even know them. If he let everything everyone said get to him he’d be a lot more like Pete, and really, one Pete is definitely enough.

By the time they’re able to retreat into the rental car and get driven back to the venue Joe wants nothing more than to curl up next to Patrick and catch ten minutes sleep before the nerves kick in for all of them. He knows that between his own nerves and everyone’s warm ups he won’t be able to sleep again until after the show. Patrick sits himself in the very back of the car though, calls Pete over to sit with him so they can continue a conversation about music or something. Joe tells himself not to feel so slighted; they’ll be plenty of time to see Patrick later.

Joe doesn’t realize Patrick is avoiding him until back on the bus, after the show He climbs into Patrick’s bunk, reluctantly, leaving Patrick sleeping on the couch. Pete had come back to the bunk area to relay the message that Patrick would be sleeping on the couch, and even though Joe offered him the bunk, Patrick remained firm on that.

As he lies awake, replaying the day in his head, he mentally kicks himself for not noticing earlier. Patrick has been avoiding him all day and yet he has no idea why. He lies awake for a very long time, watching the darkness on the top of the bunk, before drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

Normally, Joe doesn’t remember his dreams too much. They’re mostly all hazy images with the details cut away when he wakes. However, when he wakes up the next day he can still see the images in his head as clear as a movie. It’s not really a dream, more of a nightmare for him, though he usually forgets those too, just wakes with the feeling of terror, heart pounding, feet aching to run; like when he was a child dreaming of monsters in his closet.

It’s unnerving; worrying about his relationship with Patrick is something he’s never had to do before, they’ve just let everything happen around them. Now, now he’s spent the night in and out of restless sleep, dreaming of all the ways Patrick might leave him. The worst thing about it all is that he’s in far too deep to walk away and ignore the way he feels.

His fears don’t come true any more than a child dreaming of a monster wakes to find one under their bed. Patrick doesn’t end their relationship, but instead continues to regard Joe with stony silence. Joe has always loved how intense Patrick is about their relationship, he never even thought once there’d be a bad side to that, but he’s beginning to think again. It seems that just as Patrick has always loved him with passion, now he hates Joe with the same strength; he hasn’t said it, but Joe isn’t stupid, can see the hard glares and the way Patrick tries to never be in the same room.

The two weeks until they fly back to the states drag ever so slowly, and the only time anything feels normal is when they’re on stage. Joe is still struggling to adjust to the fact that it’s been weeks since Patrick even said a word to him. Usually they’d have something to discuss constantly, only abandoning conversation for sleep or music. Joe thinks it’s made worse by the touring, and having to be constantly in each others personal space. The worst thing, though, by far is the way Patrick is behaving just like the press do, acting like Joe’s not even there.

The tour finishes in Glasgow with an amazing show. They can’t fly out that night, though, so they drive back to London and take a flight from Heathrow the next day. Patrick is still not speaking to him, so when they get back to the states Patrick splits off with Pete, heading towards the gate for a flight to Los Angeles, while Joe walks towards the exit and a drive home, trying not to think about how empty the house will feel alone.

Pete phones three days after they get home, Patrick is apparently still furious with him, and they’ve postponed the next tour an extra three weeks so that hopefully Patrick will be alright by then. From what Joe can gather, which is not a lot given that Pete seemed to be being deliberately vague, Patrick is still breaking things whenever Joe’s name is mentioned. Joe is actually very glad for the break, even if they do have to be careful when they give their statement; none of them need this argument going to the press.

Joe calls Patrick a lot in the first few weeks they have off, with decreasing frequency as each and every time he ends up with a woman’s voice telling him to please leave a message. After two weeks he’s given up calling every day, resorting instead to call every couple of days or so, leave a message to remind Patrick to let him know what the hell they’re arguing about so they can just argue already and get it over with, then hang up miserably.

-

He’s always told himself he’d never take Patrick for granted, but now they’re not around each other constantly he’s beginning to wonder if he had a little. Perhaps that’s why they’re arguing, he thinks, perhaps he didn’t tell Patrick he cared enough or something. Though, the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks that isn’t it; it’s kinda a chick thing to get this upset over, and Patrick isn’t a chick, not by any stretch of the imagination.

-

The weeks at home seem to drag as much as the weeks on tour did. Joe thankfully manages to keep himself vaguely occupied buy giving the house a proper clean and decorating it; it’s the longest amount of time he’s been here since he brought the house, so it seems to be the best point to sort everything out. And to be honest, even if he had already managed to unpack everything, the house still needs decorating.

By the time Joe flies out to meet up with the other three his house is almost perfect, he’s got a lot of sleepless nights and idle days to thank for that. On the plane over he imagines the scenes that could happen over and over in his head, each time changing a different thing. Surprisingly he decides the worst case scenario is continuing like this, he would have thought the one where Patrick quit the band would be worse. He’s ready to deal with the one where the go back to Just Friends, if he has to, now. Actually compared to others, that one is great. By far his favourite, thought, is the least likely: Patrick admitting he’s been being stupid and them making up.

When he arrives, Charlie is waiting for him in arrivals, everyone else is apparently outside ready to go; Joe is the last person to fly out because he was being stubborn and putting off the inevitable as long as possible. A month off has given him plenty of time to think about how today will go and he’s pretty sure the answer is badly.

They walk outside and over to where the buses have been parked in the coach park, Joe blinks at them for a second, partly because they’re a lot bigger than he’s used to, but also because he’s pretty sure they’ve got an extra bus. Charlie points him towards the bus nearest to him, telling him he can ditch his crap on there.

When Joe climbs onto the bus, he is greeted by the sound of Pete’s sidekick beeping every couple of seconds, as per usual. Pete is curled on the couch typing away speedily, probably arranging things or updating one of his millions of blogs. Whatever it is, Pete seems to wrap it up quickly, leaving his sidekick on the couch as he moves over to wrap Joe in a bear hug.

Looking around the bus, he is definitely sure it’s bigger and also probably brand new. It’s fantastic, he thinks, no more lingering sweaty feet smell, at least not straight away. Now he can sleep safe in the knowledge that the only smells in his bunk are him, not some other stinky dude.

Pete is reluctantly cautious with his explanation of the buses, he sounds rehearsed, and oddly like Andy a little, as if they’d come up with the speech together and Pete had learnt it word for word. Seeing as they can afford two tour buses, and Patrick is still as angry as ever, they’ve opted to split the band in two. Joe has the whole bunk area to share with Hemmy, while Pete has the bedroom in the back. It works for him; bunks are dark and easy to sleep in, but he doesn’t like the idea of Patrick being on a separate bus, doesn’t like the idea of Patrick needing to be on a separate bus.

Pete reassures him that separate busses will fix the whole situation in no time. Joe just stares at him, not so sure; Pete is a hopeless romantic and reconciliation seems less and less likely by the day. Joe just wishes he knew what they were fighting about.

Once the tour starts, and everyone falls into the routine of it all, things get a little easier. Patrick is no longer flat out ignoring him, instead he responds civilly, but he still leaves the room as quickly as possible without attracting attention if Joe enters. Coming off stage is slightly disorientating, because of the way Patrick is so normal during the show and then cold towards him afterwards. If he didn’t think it’d kill him, Joe would play non-stop for the rest of his life.

They’re only three dates into the tour when Joe overhears an argument between Pete and Patrick. They’re at a rest stop somewhere near the borders onto Illinois heading for Moline and Patrick is screaming at Pete about a photo and Joe and buzznet. Joe walks away quickly and hopes neither of them saw him.

Joe could kick himself for taking that photo; at the time it hadn’t seemed like a big deal, he hadn’t realized the significance of it. He definitely hadn’t meant to upset Patrick at all, but looking back, it really wasn’t his brightest of ideas. For a while he debates stealing some internet time somewhere and taking the photo down, but he figures the damage is already done.

The thing is Patrick has always known how he wants their relationship to go, like he was planning it long before they got together. Joe, however, went in blindly, having never allowed himself to entertain the idea of a relationship; now he’s learnt what he wants along the way. In the beginning, Patrick had had to persuade him to tell people. But now he feels ready to tell everyone. He hates disguising his feelings, or having fake girlfriends for the media. He would quite like to just come out already, and they’ve spoken about it a few times, but each time Patrick has shot the idea straight down; preferring to keep it just with people close to them. He can’t believe he’s gone and screwed everything up by accidentally outing them without Patrick’s consent.

He remembers the temper Patrick had back when they were in the van; remembers seeing the bruises Pete wore like trophies after waking Patrick one time too many. Though he knew Patrick had had a temper growing up, Joe presumed he’d grown out of it, mellowed over the years. In a way, Joe guesses he has; there’ve been no fist fights. He thinks they might be easier.

-

Joe overhears Andy and Pete talking softly in a corridor. He catches “Joe,” “Patrick,” and “last tour” before he runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction.

-

Patrick will have no talk of this resulting in a band break up around him; they’re staying together and that’s final.

 _The stop:_

Joe takes every opportunity to make things right between him and Patrick, but everything he does gets thrown back in his face. Whatever he does these days, he can’t make Patrick happy; he’s beginning to think he should just end the relationship and get his friend back.

It gets to the point where they’re half way into the tour and they’ve been doing this for four weeks, with only the slightest improvement that Patrick will speak civilly even if no one is around. Joe is pretty much ready to give up on any chance of reconciliation. It’s gutting, but he figures the best thing is to let it go and hope they can be friends.

The morning of the Chicago gig Pete and Joe have a radio interview for some local station they’d never even heard of. They’re both absolutely gutted at missing out on visits to see friends and family, but thankfully they’ve got a few days in Chicago to allow for that.

The interview starts well, until the guy moves onto the bands so called “picture taking habits.” Joe tries to steer him away from the subject of Pete’s leaked photos before it is even mentioned but for some reason the guy means Joe’s photos not Pete’s. Relieved that they’ve successfully avoided another chat about Pete’s dick, Joe relaxes a little too much. It was obviously too good to be true that the guy would just want to congratulate Joe on fine camera skills, or ask for the make of his camera, of course he wanted to discuss _that_ picture of Patrick.

Joe smiles, grits his teeth and fights to remain polite like his mother always taught him. The interviewer, Carl, maybe Chris or something, is rattling off a list of all the relationships Patrick is in, counting them off on his fingers as he goes. He starts with the obvious, Pete, Anna, the ‘nameless’ girl on tour with them in Europe. Joe can allow him Pete, given their stage antics, and the way their friendship is, but the thing with Anna ended long ago, and so, sometimes they have friends out on tour, just because the friends are girls, doesn’t mean they’re sleeping with them.

After that it starts getting ridiculous; he talks about how Patrick is also sleeping with Victoria from Cobra Starship, and Greta from the Hush Sounds. Then it all dissolves into a random rant about how Patrick is sleeping with practically every single person he’s ever met. If he and Patrick were speaking, Joe’s pretty sure he would be finding this hilarious, as it is he grits his teeth a little more and tries to keep his mouth shut.

Besides him Pete is gritting his teeth too, probably trying to come up with a sufficiently sharp comeback. Joe manages to stay quiet until the guy starts talking about the relationship Joe and Patrick have, and how Patrick’s probably just screwing him for kicks whenever no one else is around.

“There is absolutely nothing casual about our relationship,” he snaps, shutting his mouth abruptly afterwards as he realises what he’s just said. Pete, having apparently rediscovered his tongue, launches into a speech, probably trying to do some “damage” control, or make this guy sound stupid or something. Joe isn’t really sure because all he can hear is white noise, while he worries about whether or not Patrick will be listening. He comes to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter; either way Patrick will know, because someone is bound to be listening, and someone is bound to tell him.

  
On the drive back to the venue Pete says, “I would have said it too,” softly; Joe doesn’t reply, just watches Chicago pass out of the window. He thinks about the time when this would have been one of them driving, and Andy and Patrick would have been here too, and how perhaps it would have been easier to stay that way. It doesn’t really matter now though, because they’re here and nothing's gonna change the fact that they’ve been here. He hates himself for even thinking it, but he’s ready to give up and go home at the end of the tour now, if he can do that. No matter how adamant Patrick is they’ll stay together it looks like they’re about to fall apart. Pete doesn’t try and talk to Joe again, just stares out of his own window.

When they arrive at the venue, Pete wanders off to try and find Dirty or signal or something, and Joe heads towards their dressing room. He’s hoping everyone will have family or friends to see, so he can call his mom in peace. However, when he opens the door he’s greeted by Patrick’s glare; it’s quite obvious to Joe that Patrick already knows what he said.

The anger is clear on his face, but much worse is the disappointment, like Joe’s really hurt him this time. The last thing Joe has ever wanted to do is disappoint anyone. He feels guilty enough when he has to tell kids he can’t sign things for them, but this is Patrick and a million times worse.

“Patrick,” he begins gently, but Patrick has crossed the room and is on top of him before he can even finish his sentence.

“You dick,” he says viciously, cuffing Joe harshly on the shoulder before knowing them both to the floor, yelling and hitting at Joe. At first, it doesn’t even occur to him to fight back, actually hit Patrick, but by the time he’s on his back with Patrick sat on his stomach strangling him, he wishes he had thrown a few careful punches.

Andy and Pete burst in right about the point where Joe is starting to really thrash against Patrick’s hold, apparently alerted by the yells. Andy rushes straight over and hauls Patrick back, allowing Pete to help Joe up. Patrick continues to struggle against Andy’s hold, desperate to continue the fight.

“What the fuck, Patrick?” Pete spits, shocked, even though, Joe thinks, he should have really remembered Patrick had a temper on account of being strangled himself. Patrick doesn’t reply, just struggles against Andy until Pete decides to lead Joe outside for his safety or whatever. Personally, Joe thinks it’s absurd that he needs to be kept safe from Patrick, temper or not.

-

Andy and Pete seem to be keeping them separated the next few days, making sure Patrick never has another opportunity to lose his temper. Yet, somehow, Patrick must manage to sneak onto the other bus, because after three days, Joe feels someone climb into his bunk. His hands fly up instantly to grab at what he presumes is Pete, planning a practical joke, but instead his hands land on what he knows by instinct to be the soft flesh of Patrick’s hips.

“You’re an ass for that picture, you know,” Patrick whispers, careful not to wake Pete up. Joe blinks at him, they’re doing this _now_ , when he could be sleeping?

“Well, then you’re a dick for strangling me,” he retorts. Patrick laughs softly, and tucks himself into Joe’s side. Joe knows that the morning will bring a need for conversation and apologies, so he just wraps an arm around his boyfriend and tries to enjoy the peace while he has it.

-

For a while, Joe thinks Patrick will never back down, never stop yelling at him about how they should keep things secret, keep things between just them, but he does eventually go quiet and let Joe speak. He knows Patrick hates the idea of them becoming another “PatrickandPete” in the media, with everyone having an opinion. The way Joe sees it, they can’t change what’s done; and now that pictures out everyone’s going to speculate about their relationship, they might as well set the facts straight. It takes him some time, but he eventually convinces Patrick round to the idea.

 _And start:_

At some point, Joe knows there was more discussion about everything, but he can’t remember much of it, mostly the last few weeks of the tour are a blur of PatrickPatrickPatrick, getting more and more intense each day. They start small, just talking again and being friends, but it doesn’t take Patrick long before he’s crashing on Joe and Pete’s bus in order to crawl into bed with Joe, and exchanging a ticket to LA for a flight to Chicago.

-

Perhaps it’s tempting fate, but on their first night back home he snaps another photo of Patrick. They’ve just got in and Patrick is sprawled across the covers, still wearing the clothes he travelled in. Joe uploads it with the caption “Touring is fun but I’m also glad it’s over for a bit; now I get to see this every single day.” Patrick wakes up in time to watch the page load and smiles as he rests his chin on Joe’s shoulder.

  
_Breathe in, breathe out. We’re starting again._   


Comments and con-crit are both welcomed and adored.

(Originally posted: September 15th, 2007)


End file.
